you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How's work?
Spinning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
