try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
