I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
