I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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