There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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