Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
