nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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