If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
