i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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