is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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