how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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