I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
