i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
