she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
