i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You need a sexual gate keeper