i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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