You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
