After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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