the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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