The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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