my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
