is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
