people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
