Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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