Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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