apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Found the puke drawer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
