He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
