Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
