You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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