tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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