DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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