I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
