You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
