My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
