John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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