Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
