I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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