discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
