we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't deserve a penis
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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