That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
