I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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