I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
