I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
