All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
