I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
