I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
