She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
