just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
