she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
