i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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