U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
