Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
