is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
