Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
