Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
