My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
