How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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