I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
