He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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