If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
