Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
