I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
