NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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