Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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