why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
