oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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