Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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