wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love having hate sex.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
