Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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