Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
