I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize