I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
